Dealing With Loss

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Loss and pain is inevitable and we all have different ways of feeling and expressing pain. There is no right or wrong way. Regardless of one’s experience of pain or loss…

at Senior Connect, we discussed that the solution is to actually grieve, to understand that grief is a process and normal part of human life.

We all need to express our emotions and talk about our experiences openly without feeling guilty or judged. The key is to be available for each other and actually listen not to give advice but to share the journey and be present in the moment.

Grief could be a source of hope and strength or sadness and bitterness. It’s your choice!

Dealing With Loss

  • Loss can be:

    • personal (parent, a child, relationship or even a pet)

    • financial

    • something or someone precious (identity, freedom, health)

  • What is certain is pain is the result

  • The SOLUTION is actually to Grieve

Why is there Pain?

  • To understand why is important to the grieving person and/or the person trying to provide help.

  • By understanding why allows the person or situation to move forward.

  • However, pain is felt differently by different people.

  • Pain is expressed differently by different people and different cultures.

  • But regardless of personality or culture there is no grieving without pain.

MAIN AIM : Repair

  • We must understand that this is a process

  • Stages of grieving

    • shock or disbelief

    • denial

    • bargaining

    • guilt

    • anger

    • depression

    • acceptance/hope

  • Repair is achievable, nobody is impossible

First Stage: Facing the Loss

  • Doing something to dull the pain

  • This can be harmful, eg: drug use, alcohol abuse, oversleeping, internet, etc all lead to further pain. Just causes distractions or delay to healing

  • Need to confront the loss but need to give them a time frame, this way confrontation with grief has a life and the person does not get stuck in the sense of loss or paralysed with self pity.

Let the pain out

  • There is no right or wrong way to express or feel pain

  • Cry, screaming into a pillow, taking a long run, standing in the rain, anything can be an outlet for pain as long it is not harmful to the person or others

  • Remember loss is an emotional time to learn how to cope with pain and not make matters worse

Sharing feelings

  • It is healthy to talk about loss

  • It is very important to be among people

  • Most people want others to just listen, it is their way of sorting their own emotions and not a means for answers

  • Person(s) needs to be a set of ears, that is because often what is said is confusion, uncertainty, rambling… not your job to make sense

  • Grieving people need to be surrounded with compassion, empathy patience and sensitivity

  • Sometimes there is nobody!

Guilt can be overwhelming

  • Especially with positions of great responsibility

  • Need to focus the person not on what could have been done but can be done, looking forward throwing other responsibilities into there path

  • Remember the good times, love, friendships:- these can never be taken away

  • Mementos can be good to keep but for some they are best placed in a safe keeping box

  • Get help to help move forward

  • Don’t feel bad for feeling good!!! 

Stage Two: Working towards Happiness

  • Happy thoughts

  • Keep a diary of good memories

  • Distract yourself by keeping busy (careful work and sorrow world)

  • Do things that bring peace to the person, eg: fishing, gardening, cooking, drawing, writing, etc

  • Try and shift the persons focus from their own problems to the problems of others

  • Contemplate the natural beauty

  • Celebrate the memories and the next stage of living

  • Spend time with good company

Know the person

  • Need to be able to detect a change of behaviour

  • Yes allow the person time to heal but there is a healthy path and unhealthy path

  • Look for signs of depression and forced or fake happiness

  • Remind them that they are precious

  • Try to instil a sense of purpose and responsibility even towards themselves

  • Remind them that sadness is not the purpose of our existence!

For more information, support or free counselling please contact us at info@exodusyouthworx.org.au, call us on 9597 4330 or 0468 329 206 or PM us on Facebook or Instagram. We are here to help, listen and support with 100% confidentiality.